In search of Incas, Argentine steaks and Anacondas

Warm bed and hot showers? Convenient, recognisable food and water that doesn’t need filtering and iodine tablets? Backpacking must be like childbirth, because after six months home the mosquito welts, rampaging gastritis and suspicious meals have all faded from my memory.

This time I am travelling with a friend, Belinda. Seriously smart, funny, with a well developed shoe obsession, Bin is a seasoned and frequent traveller for her work – unfortunately she only flys business or first class and is used to real sheets and showers on her planes … Which explains why she nearly broke down when she realised that our bags could only weigh 10kgs … I got a frantic text saying “10kgs?? Must be a typo ..please god it’s a typo”

It’s taken me a long time to persuade her we need to look vaguely impoverished to dissuade muggers and no, she couldn’t “bling” up her ugly hiking boots with diamantes ..

Bin will tell you she has never backpacked (anywhere - ever), she doesn’t hike, hates camping and critters and never gets on a plane with less than 35kgs. However she HAS wanted to see Machu Picchu since she was 12 ..

So off we go on our trip of mud huts and leech invested jungles and pit toilets … picture "Man versus Wild" - but with Paris Hilton instead of Bear Grylls ..